Amaze Me

I am amazed at the way that each one of my emotions feeds into the next one, that one of the portals, hunts me down and forces me to come face to face with my emotions. It’s not that I have a lack of awareness is that I have a lack of balance. I nurture my tears with bitterness, rage, anger, and unfairness. I took some experiences of growth in a personal way, and felt as though they were punishments instead of sitting with and grieving exactly what I outgrow, I resisted. I walked right into a trap or rather a familiar place one that the twenty-seven-year-old version of myself created. I set my own trap and as I jump into healing, I forgot to face the old fears that held me back for a decade. Once I was ready to lean on faith and sit into my cultivation. I was able to sit in the bitterness of the life lesson, a season, and practice to move on. I had forgotten that just as I grow in consciousness, grow into light, healing, and uncertainty. My old shadow and darkness have been also fed by the unconsciousness of heartbrokenness, tiredness, sleepiness, confusion, and betrayal. I forgot that everything that belongs to me is my extension and will be a tool for growth and evolution. It was the same tears of lack of gratitude that awakened me into the darkness that forced me face to face with my own growth. It was with the same tears of gratitude, and blessings that remind me of the vulnerability that comes in the time when we feel the most fragile. Cultivating connections is not always easy for me but especially during my most fragile moments. It’s hard to trust and nurture the fragility of my health. In the fragility of my safety. Unconditional love was manifested by those that hold space even when I forget how to hold space for my fragile self. It was there when in the middle of the gray sun, I sit on the momentum of joy. I loosen the grip of expectation. I unlock the chamber of my heart, I let free. I let life guide me into whatever unknowing shifting or cycle was ending. I began to understand that safety doesn’t come from walking alone, but to walk with those who meet you where you are at. Those who accept each version of you without taking advantage. Most importantly they left the judgment out of their lips and brought me awareness with compassion and continued to share their gifts with me with ease