I allowed myself to believe that Sensuality and Sexuality were the roots of chaos and trouble. I started thinking this was as bad as the statement “money is the roots of evil.” Somehow, we have been taught that sitting with this level of power can become an issue and not a sacral space. Somewhere between my late twenties and early thirties, I lost the trust in my own body. I started self-punishing my body because of the messages I received about what society expects of a woman body’s. Even worse I start conceptualizing that to be safe, it meant I also have to be silent, and unseen. The less space or attention I call on myself would be the safest way to live which meant I slowly lost touch with my feminine side. However, because of radical acceptance, I have come to terms with myself. I realized I lost myself to please others. I lost me to let others feel more comfortable. I lost my inner woman, passion, and creativity of myself to let others take space. I have been punishing myself for the natural curves, accents, and curls that were given to me by my ancestors. I punished her because I felt unsafe in my own body. I allowed others' projections and fears to become mine. “Things our ancestors had to do to survive became ingrained beliefs about how we should behave in order to be safe. We still believe, on some level, that our bodies must be controlled, covered, and socially acceptable size in order to be regarded as attractive, respectable, or worthy of protection.” At this point I allow myself to be seen, to be loud, to be bold, and to be in her body.
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