Overcoming trauma is an amazing gift or is it a curse? I have learned to utilize disassociation from my body. I could be experiencing extreme body pain or discomfort and I will stand with ease. I will remind my body that we have been here before and that we can travel to wherever the mind brings ease and peace. I have trained my emotions to hold tight until I allow them to flow with ease when I feel it safe. I master catalyst experiences and chaos and move forward without remarks or fears. Chaos energy reminds me of my fire energy as long I can manipulate it, I will remove any obstacle and keep myself in an almost tunnel vision where any trigger will just sit in my blind spot. Dissociation also allows chaos to sit longer as a guest, because it’s invited in, into your home. It can drain your joy and isolate you from those that try to bring awareness and support you. It can detach you from your roots leaving you in a complete imbalance and disharmony. When my body is in disharmony it triggers my feet. I could not find more strength to stand too long or sit too long, the restlessness took over my body. So, my arteries decide to get louder in case I wanted to try to mask the physical discomfort. This is why I understood why trees stay deep in the ground, and why they prefer to lose a branch but not their roots. This is why they allow water to nurture the roots. I realize that I love trees because they accept their turbulent time and dormant time. They allow the roots to grow, deep, and strengthen and they adjust with each new season. I understood why the trees allow water to cleanse the roots and detox around them. The trees don’t even resist the strength of the air when it comes to range, it just with ease allows the leaf and branch to fly away. Most importantly the trees stay in their place and just adjust to the new season. The tree never masks their pain or emotions. When the tree is weak or sick it becomes notable so someone can assist it and nurture it. It was in the midst of the fears and chaos that I decided to receive healing and nurture outside myself.
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